Friday, March 29, 2013


I don't trust spiders, even when they're dead.
I was cleaning my kitchen counters this morning, and had wiped one section down with a Clorox wipe and was working on the next. I turned to set something down and spotted a dead spider on the counter I had just cleaned.

I debated. I should remove it, but what if this is a trick? What if the minute I reach out to touch him he jumps up and sinks his fangs into my hand? Or what if he's a decoy? And as I'm cleaning him up, another spider repels down from the ceiling and lands in my hair, undetected, to attack me at a later time.

I decided to clean all around the spider, then ask my husband to clean the spider up. He isn't afraid of anything and he's bald, so he would notice a spider running across his head.

This is arachnophobia my friends. Don't ever ask me again why I am afraid of spiders. They are Ninjas, obviously. Tiny, poisonous Ninjas that stalk around your house unnoticed until one day they're crawling on you, looking for a tender place to bite.
Luke laughed at me, of course, and removed it, but I am still left wondering where the frack it came from and who killed it.  I didn't kill it.  Is there some sort of demon cannibalistic spider in my house?  How big might this thing be?  My mind is telling me it's probably the size of a terrier and we should burn the house to the ground to prevent it from laying any eggs.
This experience has left me with some questions, such as:
Is there a spider Thunderdome under my toaster?
Should I move the toaster and clean under it, or pretend it's glued to the counter top?
What kills a spider?
Seriously, what kills a spider?
A bigger spider?
It's a bigger spider, isn't it?

I have to go finish touching all my doorknobs 3 times. Have a good day!


  1. LOL I know that feeling well. thankfully living where I do spiders aren't an issue. I thought of the Meme of a burning house with the caption "Saw a spider and I panicked." though I'm sure I would do the same.

    1. That's a running joke in our household. My husband will calmly remove them, and I've been known to do everything down to spray them with hairspray and scorch the bathroom rug in a panic. I am really terrified of them. It doesn't help that they always seem to find me in my bed or on my bath towel.

  2. I hate to tell you this, but that dead spider was probably not a spider, but the remains of an exoskeleton that used to belong to a spider. So in a way, it was a bigger spider that just outgrew his skin.